Woo hoo!

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Who Cares?

Update: 24 October 2015

Since my last ranting, I've calmed down a bit. Lessons have been learnt, yes, but the heart is still open. Just incase anyone has any doubts about that. :)  Life is a rollercoaster, and no matter what, I always get back to the top. 


FYI, this quote isn't quite accurate.

I've recently learnt an important lesson.

Don't start caring about people too soon. Chances are if you do, they won't appreciate you, won't value you. They may even disappear on you. Maybe I had it coming. Perhaps I showed too much care, too soon. I got excited. I thought I had found someone to care about...

For someone who wears my heart on my sleeve, it's tough to not care. In fact, all that caring I do show, is actually just the tip of  the iceburg. There's a lot more caring in me, deep inside. Just waiting for the right opportunity to come out. Tired of being sushed, waiting impatiently to be let out, free to care for someone truly worth it.

But until then, I think I'll just reel in my care, and reel in my heart. Keep it wraped up until I know for certain that it's the right time to care. When the other person cares for me first.

New motto: Stop Caring, Start Working.

Deadlines are calling. Chop, Chop!

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Farewell Sunnies!

Dear Sunnies,

I knew that this day would come but I didn't think it would happen this way and this soon. It was my fault. I was careless when I perched you up on my head for a second. For one brief moment, I forgot about Gravity and its profound effect on all elements on earth. You tumbled on to the floor. I knew that it was too late when I heard the sound effects you produced. I braced myself for the inevitable and turned around and looked down. My biggest fear came true. You, my dear sunnies were broken, both lenses lying close to one another. It was too late.You were gone.

I gulped and attempted to make myself feel better by telling myself you could be fixed. But deep in my heart I knew, I was only kidding myself. There is no way I could use you again!

So I tried to make myself feel better, remembering that you were the one I chose as a sunny companion six years ago. You were a little more expensive than I had anticipated, you Fossil you, but when I used you, I felt cool. I felt beautiful. I felt awesome. I couldn't say no to you.

You accompanied me on many of my trips - Australia, Thailand, India, UK, US...Remember our first solo trip together, when we went to Spain? We made history there, you and me, walking for 5 hours, exploring the city of Seville, getting lost in Cordoba and Granada, fighting off  pickpockets in Madrid and Barcelona. Through it all, you were there with me. I had an inkling about how Christopher Columbus felt, as he explored unchartered waters - I felt the same way too, as I explored Spain with you.

There's nothing much I can say say Sunnies, except to say, you really made my days cool and gave me the strength to walk on and continue exploring. Thank you for six beautiful years together and rest assured, you will be missed.

Lots of love,
Anu

See how cool you made me look? 

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I'm Excited!!

Yesterday, I turned 39.

Yes, one more year to the big 4-0!

Time passes by very fast when you are...living life...and having fun. The good thing about being 39 is, at the cusp of being 40, I find myself asking some interesting questions. Like...where did the years go? Have I achieved anything significant in my life?  Am I ready for a brand new chapter in my life?

At least, I have one more year to ponder on the answers...I have one more year to add a few more achivements under my cap. But I know I'll be ready for 40. That's for sure. I don't have anything in black or white, nothing concrete, but I do believe that my life will be changing for the better this year. Maybe it's just instinct. Or wishful thinking. Maybe it's a mixture of both? I can't say for sure, but there is definitely something in the air. I just have to ride it out, be positive, keep my options and mind open and...see what happens.

For those who are reading my blog and wondering why I haven't been updating it much, let's just say the work has gotten to me. I'm currently working on a few writing projects and have not had the chance to blog much. Still, I am having fun whenever I can and am looking forward to more fun in my 39th year on Earth.

I gotta admit. I'm excited...excited about what the Universe and God has planned for me.  I'll check in again soon.

Anu

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Whispers Beyond Someday

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Chemistry

Sometimes I wonder why we meet certain people in our lives...

Maybe you're meant to figure it out as you go along...maybe it's because you're meant to have a new friend, a mentor, an advisor.

Or possibly, someone to make you feel alive, the most alive you've felt for a very long time, even if for 10 minutes.

Eyes meet eyes. Words are spoken. And yet, between those words unsaid and exchange of looks, there is something more.  Something that caresses the heart, soothes the soul. Something that could have been something...but...alas, circumstances are not ideal. Geography plays a part. So does the past decisions.

This may be a meeting for of the minds but what are the possibilities of a future? Another case of
Que Sera Sera. What will be, will be.

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#99daysoffreedom

So, yes I've decided to do this experiment. 99 days of freedom from Facebook. What will it be like?

In March this year, I decided to go on a one week social media detox. The result?  I didn't know that MH370 had disappeared of the radar until my friend told me about it at 2pm. Other than that, I felt more relaxed, I was doing more "offline" activities that I enjoyed.

So let's see what happens when I decide to go 99 days without connecting on Facebook. Already, I have had some interesting reactions from friends. Some are supporting me, while others think it is an absurd idea. The truth is, I do (not-so-secretly) want to be away from Facebook in the near future. Will I be able to make Facebook my option and not priority?  Time will tell.  :)

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;)

Sometimes it's just better to use quotes. :)

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You Had Me At Wonderland

Taken from original article on Vanity Shack.

Dear John,

We all have a few musicians we like to call our favourites.

As fans, we dutifully buy the albums, play it over and over. We share a song with friends, argue over it’s charming lyrics and composition. Still, I have never dreamt that I would spend money flying to another country, never thought that I would invent an itinerary just to see my favourite musican perform live.

I did that for you.

Seeing you live at the Adelaide Entertainment Centre, Australia on April 15 was more than a dream come true. I already knew that you would be fabulous on stage live. I found that out when I saw you perform for the first time in Melbourne in 2007. I lost my voice that evening. This time though, I was happy just to listen to your voice, your skills on the guitar and soak it all in.

I was drenched in magical music.

Grace Potter and her band The Nocturnals opened up for you. Grace had an edgy voice, the songs were interesting. I admit I was hoping that she would finish her set fast. I couldn’t wait to see you again.

It wasn’t long before you appeared with your band. I was sitting all the way at the back and you were a petite size S from way back there. Still, my heart raced when you quickly dove into Queen of California from your album Born & Raised. The journey had begun. From then it was a smooth transition to Paper Doll of your Paradise Valley album.

Next, you sang the lyrically controversial Who Says. The single from Battle Studies album had tongues wagging around the world with the opening line ‘Who says I can’t get stoned”. Despite its debatable significance, the song about standing up to your inner bully was among the popular songs of the evening- judging from the response from the audience.

As much as I enjoyed listening to you sing, I was waiting for you to speak and you did soon enough,  getting to know us, your fans better. When you sang I Don’t Trust Myself, I fell in love with that song all over again. Listening to Speak For Me, Half Of My Heart and a cover of Henry Whitter’s Going Down The Road Feelin’ Bad, you got be thinking folk-music isn’t so boring after all.

Maybe the audience in Adelaide was quiet because they preferred to focus on your guitar skills rather than shouting on top of their voices. Still, you had your share of declarations of love that evening, even from a guy who asked you to marry him (Hilarious!)

You won’t even begin to know how much I loved your cheeky interludes in between songs. I didn’t think you would play Slow Dancing In A Burning Room but you did! I loved it, just as much as Stop This Train, a song about growing older and its challenges, from Continuum. I’ve watched you play Tom Petty’s Free Fallin’ so many times on Youtube, but being there when you performed that song, it never sounded better.

Then just as expected, you left with the band before returning to stage without fuss to transform Beyonce’ sXO in your own, gentle, cool way. Before you know it, it was time for the last song and you chose Gravity, a song that proved that you were as good songwriter as you were a guitarist. You gave me plenty to think about On The Way Home.When you sang Wildfire, I thought that perhaps you had psychic powers were privy to my (song) wish list. You did that cool cover of Van Morrisson’s And It Stoned Mebefore moving on to Waiting On The World To Changeand Age of Worry. That’s when you dropped the bomb and told us that you have four more songs to play. You didn’t give us much time to contemplate this revelation though, carrying on with your “classic” and my favourite Why Georgia from first album Room For Squares and Dear Marie, from the latest.

Two hours zoomed into 20 minutes when you performed. Still, it was a great concert, one that I would think about for years to come. Since your first confession in Your Body Is a Wonderland, to your ode to women in Daughters, revealing your Shadow Days andexplaining why Love is a Verb, you been through a lot – and this is reflected in the songs of various genres you explored.  I never thought that I would like country music, or blues and folk, but thanks to your courage to experiment I’m now open to more genres.  Despite your misadventures in your personal life and your “stupid mouth”, I believe that deep down inside, you’re just a man, making sense of life through songs. I am and will always remain, your biggest fan.

You had me at Wonderland.

Anu

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Note To Self 2.0

On this day of your life,

Anu, I believe God wants you to know...    

...that your heart will be opened again soon. Indeed,
very soon, if you are receptive to it.

Do not think that you have had your last chance to love.
God would never do that to you. Your chances are as
endless as life itself! So love, love, love. And do not
worry about who loves you back.

Then get set for more love to fill your days and nights,
precisely because you have not worried about it. For
you always receive from the world what you give to the
world. It is The Law.

You know exactly why you are reading this message
right now.

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Note To Self

Sometime all you need is a little balance. :) 

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I'm a lover, I'm a fighter

They say that things happen for a reason.
And I agree with that completely.

When it comes to matters of the heart, I am not one of those who can count their lucky stars. I've been, for most years of my life a hopeless romantic. (I blame the romantic novels that I read as a teenager.) When it came to reality, my life was so far from being a romantic tale. I had my share of crushes and most of them led to misadventures. The guys I liked didn't like me. The ones who liked me, I didn't like. Then there were guys I had chemistry with but nothing serious happened. In the end, it felt like it was always more about heartbreak then kisses. 

Yet, despite these heartbreaks I pushed on, getting to know more people, going for dates and learning about men. Fast forward to a few more heartbreaks and many more lessons, here I am once again. Single but caring deeply for someone. Someone who, one day soon will wake up and realise that he too cares deeply for me.

It is easy at this stage to decide to give up. It is extremely easy for me to say, "I'm done, I'm out of here."

But my heart won't let me do that. It remembers the days in the past when I continued to love even though there was no promise of love returned. My heart reminded me just the other day about the heartaches I've been through, when I was hurting yes, but not broken. The voice in my heart is calling out to me, recounting the times she has been scarred but becoming stronger because of those scars.

"How can you give up now?" My heart asks me.
"You are made out of so much more. It is not the time to admit defeat. It's time to march on, to your destiny."


And that is what I will do.

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The Rebel Bride

The rebel bride
walks towards the crowd
with no announcements
or thoughts of flashing her ring.

She walks in confidence
her face glowing
her heart pounding
yet remains calm and composed.

The rebel bride
chooses a dress
without pomp or drama
Boy, was she stunning.

She plans
she decides
she waits
for her oh-so-special night.

The rebel bride
walks into the room
with flowers in her hair
and a cream wedding dress.

She smiles
with her eyes
when she sees her groom
the only one in the room.

The rebel bride
meets the rebel groom
two rebel hearts joined
in the garden of love.

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By Fingers

There is no subject for this post today. No agenda, no news, no stories.

I'm just happy letting my fingers do the talking. Go wild fingers, you have the prerogative to do whatever you want. Such bliss. What utter freedom. Take this chance and make it yours.

The fingers want to talk about life. I suppose there is no escape.
What fingers want, fingers get.

Life is funny, said fingers.
You think you know what you want, but when you get it,
it's not what you expect it to be.
Life is funny.
You think you have it all under control, and suddenly, you don't.
Life is very funny.
When you are 2 year old looking at your aunty being her funny self.

Sometimes, the fingers wish they were 2 years old too.
So you don't have to think about the future.
So you don't have to worry about the present.
So you don't need to miss the past.

A past that consists of blurred images and happy moments. Ah, what a life!

But fingers are realistic, even if a bit idealistic.
They know there is no chance of going back.
They know the present is now
and the best think you can do is do what's best for now.
As for the future, who knows what's in store for these fingers?
Fingers that travel, fingers that make tons of money, fingers that love.

Ah, fingers what a tangled web of uncertainties you are in.
But with these uncertainties, comes freedom.
Comes the joy of not knowing  what's in store, of dreaming and creating.
Dreams and desires.

Ah, fingers.

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The Beer Date

We were at the bar.

We ordered beers and had lots to talk about.

Then you challenged me to drink a full pint of beer.

I saw that glint in your eye and accepted that challenge.

I psyched myself and started on the task, determined to do it, to win.I was doing a good job and was about to finish swallowing the last few mouthfuls when I happened to glance at you.

You made a funny face.
I laughed.

The beer, somehow magically escaped from my throat and mouth,
and made its way to your hand and trousers.

Then the truth dawned on me.
I had just spewed beer on my date.

I was mortified.
I looked at you to see your reaction.

You were shocked at first.
And then you laughed.

There was that glint in your eye again.

It was that moment when I started loving you. 


P/S- This is is a Cowbird story. 

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Don't worry...

Don't worry, we will always be friends.

Don't worry, I know what you're going through.

Don't worry, I will always treasure the times we have shared together.

Don't worry, I will only be gone for a little while.

Don't worry, I will always remember you.

Don't worry, this is not the end of our friendship.

Don't worry, I care for you.

Don't worry, I will come back for you.

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37

Like a rolling stone, my friend Vijay's nostalgic email to me this afternoon, gathered momentum and I found myself bitten by the sentimental bug. I re-read some of my old posts and I was hugely entertained by the silly anecdotes that I shared on this blog over the past few years.

Those were the days when writing on this blog meant I was writing. Never mind that my life was made out of  boring, unspectacular events that just happened. All I knew is, I had to write and the blog was my empty canvas.

There are also some great truths hidden behind these posts and some of which I can remember clearly. Most of all, about the love lessons that I've encountered. 

At 37, life has changed for me somewhat in some ways but not all. The greatest achievement for me so far, if anyone would ask, is that I am a writer and make a living out of it. I'm still on the quieter side, a little reserved, but I'd like to think that I make up for it when I write. 

It is the best feeling in the world, a stirring in my soul, when anyone asks me what I do and I get to tell them that I'm a writer. 

For that (and more) I am thankful.

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Ode To My Green Umbrella

Dear GU,

I knew this day would come, the day when I had to send you off on a new adventure. Or perhaps you would prefer some time to lie down and rest, you certainly deserve it after all the work you’ve done over the past years.

We had a quite a few adventures together, haven’t we? It started off rather casually, with you accompanying me just in case there was an emergency. Then the rains came and we were a team you and I, almost every day.

Although, I must admit, my fondest memories are of you and braving the rain to go for assignments in the streets of Kuala Lumpur.  Remember the time we went for a press conference at Corus Hotel and it rained cats & dogs?  That evening, it felt like it was you and me against the world – as we got to the LRT station.  Two years ago, when I got my dream assignment, to go to the Rainforest Music Festival in Kuching, I took you along with me, just in case the rains came along. You didn’t have to work that time, but it was surely one of the best times of my life.

That was of course before we took that long flight from KL to London then London to Madrid on my solo Spanish adventure.  I was so glad that you were with me that Monday when it poured buckets from my Sevillan ‘home’ to language school. With you by my side, I got to see the magnifique La Alhambra in Granada  and La Mesquita in Cordoba. We survived the giggling pick-pockets of Madrid and the suited ones in Barcelona. And I will never forget how the rain washed away my dreams off seeing the sunny side of Barcelona, but thanks to you I got to see many famous landmarks in the city, including La Sagrada Famili, Gaudi’s Parc Guell and the beach.

Thank you for all the times you protected me from the rain. You were my companion on my journeys and I wish you sweet dreams.

Love,

AV  

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Looking Back, Moving Forward

September turns into December with a blink of an eye.

And yes, things have changed these past few months. For one, I am no longer walking on the thin line of taking care of  a kid and working from home. I now officially have an out of home job, new colleagues and a life of my own. Yay!

One month into the job, I am grateful, very thankful to God & The Universe for this opportunity. It is just what I needed. This year has been quite a trying year for me...but I did enjoy the fact that I tried something different. Looking after a baby is no mean feat. Looking after a baby and trying to look for work is even more difficult. But at the end of the day, it's important to look at the bigger picture and what I learnt from this period. Lesson 1: I am capable of taking care of a baby. Lesson 2: Life is short and I need to make sure that I do what I want to do.

I've also learnt to look at my myself in the mirror and loving that reflection. Yes, I do wear glasses but I still think I'm pretty good looking. ;) And it's been a revelation that it no longer hurts when people judge me from a single photograph they see online and that it doesn't matter if they don't want to get to know me because of that.  Why waste precious time and energy on people who are not worth it?

Looking forward to 2013 (since the Mayan's prediction of the world coming to an end didn't work out, as I expected), I will continue to work on my health, eat better and exercise more. I will work on being more independent and staying true to myself. I will also try to be a better friend to my friends, better daughter and sister and aunty to Juhi. And open my heart once again to possibilities of life.

Cheers 2012, Hola 2013!

Anu

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I Await

And oh, it looks like the new beginning is a little delayed. But I don't mind one bit. I await the right moment for it to begin. :)

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