You Had Me At Wonderland

Taken from original article on Vanity Shack.

Dear John,

We all have a few musicians we like to call our favourites.

As fans, we dutifully buy the albums, play it over and over. We share a song with friends, argue over it’s charming lyrics and composition. Still, I have never dreamt that I would spend money flying to another country, never thought that I would invent an itinerary just to see my favourite musican perform live.

I did that for you.

Seeing you live at the Adelaide Entertainment Centre, Australia on April 15 was more than a dream come true. I already knew that you would be fabulous on stage live. I found that out when I saw you perform for the first time in Melbourne in 2007. I lost my voice that evening. This time though, I was happy just to listen to your voice, your skills on the guitar and soak it all in.

I was drenched in magical music.

Grace Potter and her band The Nocturnals opened up for you. Grace had an edgy voice, the songs were interesting. I admit I was hoping that she would finish her set fast. I couldn’t wait to see you again.

It wasn’t long before you appeared with your band. I was sitting all the way at the back and you were a petite size S from way back there. Still, my heart raced when you quickly dove into Queen of California from your album Born & Raised. The journey had begun. From then it was a smooth transition to Paper Doll of your Paradise Valley album.

Next, you sang the lyrically controversial Who Says. The single from Battle Studies album had tongues wagging around the world with the opening line ‘Who says I can’t get stoned”. Despite its debatable significance, the song about standing up to your inner bully was among the popular songs of the evening- judging from the response from the audience.

As much as I enjoyed listening to you sing, I was waiting for you to speak and you did soon enough,  getting to know us, your fans better. When you sang I Don’t Trust Myself, I fell in love with that song all over again. Listening to Speak For Me, Half Of My Heart and a cover of Henry Whitter’s Going Down The Road Feelin’ Bad, you got be thinking folk-music isn’t so boring after all.

Maybe the audience in Adelaide was quiet because they preferred to focus on your guitar skills rather than shouting on top of their voices. Still, you had your share of declarations of love that evening, even from a guy who asked you to marry him (Hilarious!)

You won’t even begin to know how much I loved your cheeky interludes in between songs. I didn’t think you would play Slow Dancing In A Burning Room but you did! I loved it, just as much as Stop This Train, a song about growing older and its challenges, from Continuum. I’ve watched you play Tom Petty’s Free Fallin’ so many times on Youtube, but being there when you performed that song, it never sounded better.

Then just as expected, you left with the band before returning to stage without fuss to transform Beyonce’ sXO in your own, gentle, cool way. Before you know it, it was time for the last song and you chose Gravity, a song that proved that you were as good songwriter as you were a guitarist. You gave me plenty to think about On The Way Home.When you sang Wildfire, I thought that perhaps you had psychic powers were privy to my (song) wish list. You did that cool cover of Van Morrisson’s And It Stoned Mebefore moving on to Waiting On The World To Changeand Age of Worry. That’s when you dropped the bomb and told us that you have four more songs to play. You didn’t give us much time to contemplate this revelation though, carrying on with your “classic” and my favourite Why Georgia from first album Room For Squares and Dear Marie, from the latest.

Two hours zoomed into 20 minutes when you performed. Still, it was a great concert, one that I would think about for years to come. Since your first confession in Your Body Is a Wonderland, to your ode to women in Daughters, revealing your Shadow Days andexplaining why Love is a Verb, you been through a lot – and this is reflected in the songs of various genres you explored.  I never thought that I would like country music, or blues and folk, but thanks to your courage to experiment I’m now open to more genres.  Despite your misadventures in your personal life and your “stupid mouth”, I believe that deep down inside, you’re just a man, making sense of life through songs. I am and will always remain, your biggest fan.

You had me at Wonderland.

Anu

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Note To Self

Sometime all you need is a little balance. :) 

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I'm a lover, I'm a fighter

They say that things happen for a reason.
And I agree with that completely.

When it comes to matters of the heart, I am not one of those who can count their lucky stars. I've been, for most years of my life a hopeless romantic. (I blame the romantic novels that I read as a teenager.) When it came to reality, my life was so far from being a romantic tale. I had my share of crushes and most of them led to misadventures. The guys I liked didn't like me. The ones who liked me, I didn't like. Then there were guys I had chemistry with but nothing serious happened. In the end, it felt like it was always more about heartbreak then kisses. 

Yet, despite these heartbreaks I pushed on, getting to know more people, going for dates and learning about men. Fast forward to a few more heartbreaks and many more lessons, here I am once again. Single but caring deeply for someone. Someone who, one day soon will wake up and realise that he too cares deeply for me.

It is easy at this stage to decide to give up. It is extremely easy for me to say, "I'm done, I'm out of here."

But my heart won't let me do that. It remembers the days in the past when I continued to love even though there was no promise of love returned. My heart reminded me just the other day about the heartaches I've been through, when I was hurting yes, but not broken. The voice in my heart is calling out to me, recounting the times she has been scarred but becoming stronger because of those scars.

"How can you give up now?" My heart asks me.
"You are made out of so much more. It is not the time to admit defeat. It's time to march on, to your destiny."


And that is what I will do.

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The Rebel Bride

The rebel bride
walks towards the crowd
with no announcements
or thoughts of flashing her ring.

She walks in confidence
her face glowing
her heart pounding
yet remains calm and composed.

The rebel bride
chooses a dress
without pomp or drama
Boy, was she stunning.

She plans
she decides
she waits
for her oh-so-special night.

The rebel bride
walks into the room
with flowers in her hair
and a cream wedding dress.

She smiles
with her eyes
when she sees her groom
the only one in the room.

The rebel bride
meets the rebel groom
two rebel hearts joined
in the garden of love.

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By Fingers

There is no subject for this post today. No agenda, no news, no stories.

I'm just happy letting my fingers do the talking. Go wild fingers, you have the prerogative to do whatever you want. Such bliss. What utter freedom. Take this chance and make it yours.

The fingers want to talk about life. I suppose there is no escape.
What fingers want, fingers get.

Life is funny, said fingers.
You think you know what you want, but when you get it,
it's not what you expect it to be.
Life is funny.
You think you have it all under control, and suddenly, you don't.
Life is very funny.
When you are 2 year old looking at your aunty being her funny self.

Sometimes, the fingers wish they were 2 years old too.
So you don't have to think about the future.
So you don't have to worry about the present.
So you don't need to miss the past.

A past that consists of blurred images and happy moments. Ah, what a life!

But fingers are realistic, even if a bit idealistic.
They know there is no chance of going back.
They know the present is now
and the best think you can do is do what's best for now.
As for the future, who knows what's in store for these fingers?
Fingers that travel, fingers that make tons of money, fingers that love.

Ah, fingers what a tangled web of uncertainties you are in.
But with these uncertainties, comes freedom.
Comes the joy of not knowing  what's in store, of dreaming and creating.
Dreams and desires.

Ah, fingers.

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Looking Back, Moving Forward

September turns into December with a blink of an eye.

And yes, things have changed these past few months. For one, I am no longer walking on the thin line of taking care of  a kid and working from home. I now officially have an out of home job, new colleagues and a life of my own. Yay!

One month into the job, I am grateful, very thankful to God & The Universe for this opportunity. It is just what I needed. This year has been quite a trying year for me...but I did enjoy the fact that I tried something different. Looking after a baby is no mean feat. Looking after a baby and trying to look for work is even more difficult. But at the end of the day, it's important to look at the bigger picture and what I learnt from this period. Lesson 1: I am capable of taking care of a baby. Lesson 2: Life is short and I need to make sure that I do what I want to do.

I've also learnt to look at my myself in the mirror and loving that reflection. Yes, I do wear glasses but I still think I'm pretty good looking. ;) And it's been a revelation that it no longer hurts when people judge me from a single photograph they see online and that it doesn't matter if they don't want to get to know me because of that.  Why waste precious time and energy on people who are not worth it?

Looking forward to 2013 (since the Mayan's prediction of the world coming to an end didn't work out, as I expected), I will continue to work on my health, eat better and exercise more. I will work on being more independent and staying true to myself. I will also try to be a better friend to my friends, better daughter and sister and aunty to Juhi. And open my heart once again to possibilities of life.

Cheers 2012, Hola 2013!

Anu

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New Beginnings

New beginnings.

You crave for it and when it comes...the first instinct is to retreat, to say wait, I'm not ready yet. But the truth is you know there is no such thing as being ready. Unless you are in a desperate situation. If life is bearable, then new beginnings can also be quite scary. The unknown can be scary sometimes.

But deep in your heart, you know that whatever is in store for you in the future, you are ready to take it on. Ready to learn something new, make mistakes, learn from them and be a better person. Ready to meet new people and perhaps even to learn something from them. New friendships, new bonds, new, new, new!

So here's a little note to new beginning. I'm ready, come get me. :)

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My Little Universal Flower

Welcome to the world...Juhi Emma Joel.

While I had nine months to prepare for this little angel, it was only on February 7, 2012 at when I realised that life will no longer be the same for me. At long last, my sister got that baby that she always wanted. And two days after she was born, I was already a little bit less selfish. I am cutting down my Internet time, I don't feel the need to go out that much. And now any money that I earn would not only just be for me, but also for Baby Juhi.

Fair or not, I already have a few dreams for Juhi. I imagine that when she is 19 or 20, she would want to see a bit of the world. And when that happens, I will help her out with the money I saved for her for that particular reason. Or if she wanted to continue her studies and needs a little extra moolah, I would be able to help her out with it, even if it is just a little bit. It's going to be her money, so she can do whatever she wants with it.

In the meantime, I am going to focus on being the coolest aunty ever. I look forward to sharing new moments with you, Juhi. <3

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Blessed

Wouldn't it be nice if I had a secret fan/reader who looked forward to reading my movie reviews, because he/she thought I write it well? Ah, we can all have dreams. :)

I must confess there are times when I truly love my job. The feeling is so strong, it's like I can almost taste the sweetness. Having worked for 10 years now I've always had a strong attachment with my jobs, but this latest one is the icing on the cake. There are times, when I search for the right words to describe a scenario, I get this huge adrenaline rush. And when I do find that right word or construct a whole sentence that I am proud of, it's just a moment of pure bliss.

Every so often I do feel blessed to have this job as a writer. Love it to bits I do. And I've said this quite often to God, thank you for giving me the chance to be able to discover my way with words and make a living off it. Thank you!

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Me Mini

Knowing that I am walking on the same path my father did gives me hope and much happiness.

He told me about this jogging track in Subang a while back and I told myself that I would explore that track soon - but for the longest time I was happy to be going on my own favourite route. I found time on hands and a desire to try something new last Friday.So I made my way to the area and there is was - a little walking track that was had a lot of greens and character. No wonder he liked it. And as I walked along the track I couldn't help but think he would have walked on the same track just over two months ago.

It's a good feeling somehow. That also got me started on thinking about the other things that I have in common with him.

First of all I look like a lot like him, some people say I'm a carbon copy. He walked a lot and enjoyed it - same here. We love books and bookshops also quotations. When we are passionate about something, we go on and on about it. We are both the strong, silent type. We have the same philosophy about credit card management. (Ok, so maybe his philosophy got stuck in my head.) We are both thinkers but admittedly he did more than just think - he did a lot too.

I've got lots more to share about my father. He had this "Book of Knowledge" as he called it, where he wrote interesting things he read including this one :-

“Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use” by Linus, friend of Charlie Brown/Snoopy. Although he didn't get to use all those gears, he did try his best. And now it is me who has to use those gears.

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My Father, My Hero

Every once in a while Life reminds you of the Greater forces working as you go about making your own plans.

After spending six weeks in hospital, my father passed away on Sep 22, 2010. He was 68. He had a stroke and was on his way to recovery when the infections refused to leave him. Long story short, he was a brave man who fought very hard to get over it, to spend an additional month with us, until he could no longer fight anymore.

In retrospect, the last month has been one of many small miracles. It was as if God had decided to give us all one month time bonus, so that we could show him how much he meant to us and vice versa.

I will never forget the first time I fed him homemade lunch at the hospital. I also gave him his favourite fruit - grapes and he held my hand for a few minutes, without saying anything. Now I wish I had said something more at that moment, I felt blessed to share that moment with him. I will never forget that determination he had, when he told me "Anu, I will come back in 5 days," and how everytime the nurses would ask him how he was he would say "Good" and put his thumb up.

It was difficult to see him suffer the last two weeks and when it was time for him to leave us, I was upset and yet relieved, because that would mean he didn't have to suffer anymore.

I've never written anything about my dad in my posts because he was always there, giving snippets of knowledge through bits of conversation. A man of few words, he was the kind of person who knew and understood a lot, but didn't think it was necessary to say it out aloud. He was the one who instilled the love of reading,words and language in me and in his own, quiet way led me to the path of writing as my chosen profession, my passion. His calm and cool demenour was a breath of fresh air. If he didn't agree with the way some people behaved, he simply accepted them and went on with his own daily activities. He was always there for me and I could talk to him about anything and he would listen. And even though I never told him many things, he always understood how I felt. He was the best father I could have ever asked for.

I'm so lucky to have had him in my life for the past 34 years.

He had a nature you could not help loving
And a heart that was purer than gold
And to those who knew him and loved him
His memory will never grow old

Rest in peace now Acha, you are still here with us, with me, because you will always be in my heart, until the end.

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