By Fingers

There is no subject for this post today. No agenda, no news, no stories.

I'm just happy letting my fingers do the talking. Go wild fingers, you have the prerogative to do whatever you want. Such bliss. What utter freedom. Take this chance and make it yours.

The fingers want to talk about life. I suppose there is no escape.
What fingers want, fingers get.

Life is funny, said fingers.
You think you know what you want, but when you get it,
it's not what you expect it to be.
Life is funny.
You think you have it all under control, and suddenly, you don't.
Life is very funny.
When you are 2 year old looking at your aunty being her funny self.

Sometimes, the fingers wish they were 2 years old too.
So you don't have to think about the future.
So you don't have to worry about the present.
So you don't need to miss the past.

A past that consists of blurred images and happy moments. Ah, what a life!

But fingers are realistic, even if a bit idealistic.
They know there is no chance of going back.
They know the present is now
and the best think you can do is do what's best for now.
As for the future, who knows what's in store for these fingers?
Fingers that travel, fingers that make tons of money, fingers that love.

Ah, fingers what a tangled web of uncertainties you are in.
But with these uncertainties, comes freedom.
Comes the joy of not knowing  what's in store, of dreaming and creating.
Dreams and desires.

Ah, fingers.

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Looking Back, Moving Forward

September turns into December with a blink of an eye.

And yes, things have changed these past few months. For one, I am no longer walking on the thin line of taking care of  a kid and working from home. I now officially have an out of home job, new colleagues and a life of my own. Yay!

One month into the job, I am grateful, very thankful to God & The Universe for this opportunity. It is just what I needed. This year has been quite a trying year for me...but I did enjoy the fact that I tried something different. Looking after a baby is no mean feat. Looking after a baby and trying to look for work is even more difficult. But at the end of the day, it's important to look at the bigger picture and what I learnt from this period. Lesson 1: I am capable of taking care of a baby. Lesson 2: Life is short and I need to make sure that I do what I want to do.

I've also learnt to look at my myself in the mirror and loving that reflection. Yes, I do wear glasses but I still think I'm pretty good looking. ;) And it's been a revelation that it no longer hurts when people judge me from a single photograph they see online and that it doesn't matter if they don't want to get to know me because of that.  Why waste precious time and energy on people who are not worth it?

Looking forward to 2013 (since the Mayan's prediction of the world coming to an end didn't work out, as I expected), I will continue to work on my health, eat better and exercise more. I will work on being more independent and staying true to myself. I will also try to be a better friend to my friends, better daughter and sister and aunty to Juhi. And open my heart once again to possibilities of life.

Cheers 2012, Hola 2013!

Anu

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Busy Bee

Well, it's been months since I last updated my blog.

Who or what shall take the blame this time? My busy schedule? My months of babysitting? My efforts in maintaining the online website VS? Baby Juhi? My uninspired self?

The answer is - all of the above.

Truth is, these past few months have been quite overwhelming. First of all, I've got a taste of working from home and I didn't like it all that much. I miss having colleagues, hanging out with those colleagues, being a part of a larger unit.

It didn't help when most of my days were spent talking to a baby. Five months ago, I would have never guessed that I would be able to take care of a child. And I'm pretty damn good at it. Salute to mothers everywhere, I know now what a hard job it is, especially for those full-time, at home mums.

Just as I was wondering about the direction my life was going in, I went for a holiday to America with my mom. A holiday, that I didn't feel I deserved. But strolling on the streets of New York in late June, I realised I did indeed deserve the break, although it was not one that I planned.

It gave me time to think about what I really wanted in life and as much as I enjoy my days with Juju and writing (or attempting to) in between, I know that this is not a permanent solution for me. I need more and I am working towards it now.

And I'm excited about the prospects. :)

Anu

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My Little Universal Flower

Welcome to the world...Juhi Emma Joel.

While I had nine months to prepare for this little angel, it was only on February 7, 2012 at when I realised that life will no longer be the same for me. At long last, my sister got that baby that she always wanted. And two days after she was born, I was already a little bit less selfish. I am cutting down my Internet time, I don't feel the need to go out that much. And now any money that I earn would not only just be for me, but also for Baby Juhi.

Fair or not, I already have a few dreams for Juhi. I imagine that when she is 19 or 20, she would want to see a bit of the world. And when that happens, I will help her out with the money I saved for her for that particular reason. Or if she wanted to continue her studies and needs a little extra moolah, I would be able to help her out with it, even if it is just a little bit. It's going to be her money, so she can do whatever she wants with it.

In the meantime, I am going to focus on being the coolest aunty ever. I look forward to sharing new moments with you, Juhi. <3

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