3 Mar 2011

Missing U

I still dream about my father. I suppose it happens when I keep thinking about him. When I miss his presence at home and wish for the millionth time that I had spent more time with him. As I get ready to go off for my short holiday to Hong Kong, I remember how he would be the one to change my Malaysian ringgit to the currency of the country I would be visiting. How he would remind me to write a list of things to take so that I wouldn't forget anything. How he would ask me if I had remembered to take my toothbrush and socks.

I remember the last time I went to Australia, in March last year. He had dropped me off at LCCT and I said my goodbye to him as I got off the car. But as I was getting my boarding ticket at the check-in counter, he was suddenly by my side. I asked him why he had come in and he said there was parking available and he decided to come and see me off. He stayed with me as I bought some Malaysian sweets for my friend in Melbourne and waited till I decided to proceed to immigration. There were no hugs as we are not the hugging type. Just a touch on the shoulder and the promise of seeing each other again in 10 days. Little did I know that it would be the last time he would be dropping me to the airport.

And last night I had a dream about him again. Nothing out of the ordinary, just him in the car. But in my dream, once again I attempted to tell him that I love him. So I guess this means that in the corner of my mind, I am still thinking about the fact that I never told him personally that I love him. I know that he knew it, for some things doesn't need to be said, but still...

I hope that I will be able to say it to him one of these days when it is once again, time to reunite with him. Until then I will just have to be content with dreaming about my father. Over and over again.

I miss you Acha.


sri said...

This was a lovely reflection to share about your dad and your relationship; thank you. I miss that opportunity to see and experience a different relationship with my father in the last years of his life, and I really regret of that. I miss him soo much nowadays.
Take care,

Anu said...

Thanks Sri,

I was really missing him a lot yesterday (and today as well). :)

sabrina said...

Your dad sounds like such a lovely lovely man. You were soo soo lucky babe. Seriously. And don't worry bout the things unsaid babes. I have no doubt that he knows

Hope you heal soon *hugs*

Anucia said...

Lovely piece. I'm sure he knew how much you loved him...take care, girl

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